I turned 29 yesterday. I’ve never felt so old and I’m starting to understand what it means to age. I’m going to be 40 in eleven years. For a while now I feel like I’ve been ‘stuck’ in a younger mental phase. Like for my early twenties, I felt the same as I did at 16, then I kind of went through a little bit of a level up, but it was not that distinctive. But since last year I really think that I’ve matured or levelled up. I don’t know if going through burnout helped mature me or something, but that event is part of my psyche now.
A lot has happened in the past 12 months. My husband and I changed our visas and returned to the UK. It was around that time I was hit with burnout and well pretty much did not write for a solid eight months. I’ve been on holidays to Lisbon, Isreal and Jerusalem. Got two kitties cats. Somehow managed to push out a sci-fi novella (despite burnout) and read more books than I have had previously.
I have a feeling that it’ll be a full year before I get over my burnout. I’m thinking I’ll start writing/editing again in May. I remember having developed such ill feelings towards my stories. I thought of throwing away my USB’s and leaving my writing career behind never to return. But I resisted that temptation and kept them safe.
I didn’t have any of the physical effects of burnout, just most of the emotional. Irritability, disinterest and low mood. Currently, those effects have lessened quite a bit and since I’ve gone back to the gym I’m seeing improvements. But I’ve developed a feeling of inadequacy in regards to my writing. Hopefully, that will go away as soon as my mood improves.
I’m hoping that once my burnout goes away I’ll be able to return to my writing and zoom through all the stories I want to finish 🙂
Stephanie Haggarty 