I had a thought today, what if I don’t get over my burnout completely until the one year anniversary ticks over. That’s next May! Right now I have no desire to write anything (despite writing this post) in fact, I’d rather shit in my hands and clap.
And I was starting to improve only a month or so ago too. I had slogged it out and got a novella out and did a draft of another, but maybe that was the reason. I pushed myself too much too soon.
The idea of story creation seems tedious and I’m having feelings of inadequacy. But that’s ridiculous because I’ve improved so much in recent times and I got the stories mapped out. But at the same time what if I fuck it up? What if later on, I find out that there is a better way to write it? What if I’m not the right on to tell this story? (But come on I’m the one that thought it up, I’m the only one to tell it) I’m all mixed up and nothing can really do anything about it but me.
Since my burnout in June, I’ve only just begun to get back to normal, but my year of non-progression has made me feel shitty about my future. Where am I going if I’m not writing? What is it all for?
But I’m emerging, I’ve written about ten thousand words of a new story, but just the thought of all time wasted in the months before makes me depressed 😦 I wanted to have at least one other story out before now, but I have failed myself. Maybe next year will be better.
Yesterday was the last day of my chronicling my writing progress and it was a failure. It didn’t prompt me to write any more than necessary and I don’t really care. I thought I could eventually go back t]and find my old productive self from last year, but she’s still lost 😦
No words 😦 I feel a sense of un-accomplishment pervade me. I can’t finish things and have an even harder time starting them. I read a section of Bell’s book ‘The Mental Game of Writing’ and there was a section about how over Christmas he goes over what he’s done for the year and all I can think of is that I have wasted so much time 😦 I really think that I could have completed a few works and have them out by now 😦
No writing and no desire to write 😦 Makes me feel bad again.
I watched a video on minimalism and one of the questions was ‘What do you want to do with your 30’s?’ It made me think some more about where I’m headed. In 15 months I’m going to be 30 and I’ve still got my goal of self-publishing 10 books to complete. I want to achieve it, but I’m still just getting over my burnout so I don’t know if I’ll make it 😦
Also, I haven’t written anything.