I had a thought today, what if I don’t get over my burnout completely until the one year anniversary ticks over. That’s next May! Right now I have no desire to write anything (despite writing this post) in fact, I’d rather shit in my hands and clap.
And I was starting to improve only a month or so ago too. I had slogged it out and got a novella out and did a draft of another, but maybe that was the reason. I pushed myself too much too soon.
The idea of story creation seems tedious and I’m having feelings of inadequacy. But that’s ridiculous because I’ve improved so much in recent times and I got the stories mapped out. But at the same time what if I fuck it up? What if later on, I find out that there is a better way to write it? What if I’m not the right on to tell this story? (But come on I’m the one that thought it up, I’m the only one to tell it) I’m all mixed up and nothing can really do anything about it but me.
I’m re-reading ‘The Mental Game of Writing’ by Bell and there is a section about uniqueness. More specifically your uniqueness. He asks you three questions about what you bring with your work. They are:
- What do I do well?
- What can I do better?
- What are my unique ‘add ons’?
With me and my self-evaluation and comments from my close ones, I can say that the things I do well are worldbuilding and characterisation. I’m hoping that my plot and storyline are pretty competent as well. Things I can do better in regards to my writing is re-establish my writing routine, finish first drafts and start more marketing.
But what about my unique ‘add ons’?
What makes me different from other writers? I know that there is not another Stephanie out there, but no one can see that because I don’t market myself. I write a lot of novellas because I don’t pad my stories out, but my style is not like that of McCarthy’s The Road. I’m slowly making my way up to larger books because I’m training my brain to deal with larger projects. Maybe despite writing seriously for the last seven years I still have to refine my ability.
I’ve just started another draft of Jumpstart. I’m not that productive with it either. I think I should have done a few pages a day because the last time I touched it was over a week ago. I could have completed it by now if I had done it that way. I’m doing more edits than I thought I would have too. I don’t know if I’m levelling up or my previous attempts were sub-par. I’m hoping to have this thing out by mid-year, but no date is set.
It’s been over six months since I last touched this story. I’m so glad that I’m getting back to it because I want to get this done by my birthday in two months time.
The edits I’m doing are mostly line and word edits. No larger things like scene or chapter arrangements. I’m still iffy about the title, but I’m not sure what else to call it.
Currently, it’s 33,000 words and when I first wrote it I felt that I have improved a lot since my previous works. But now I’m seeing some things that I don’t like. Like how I’ve written some scenes. Or that I’ve referenced events sometime after they’ve supposedly occurred in the book. I think it’s going to take the readers by surprise and question why I’ve written it like that. I think I might have to go back and fix those in later drafts.