I’m not productive enough and I feel shit about it

I’ve been in the Netherlands for six-ish weeks now. I literary arrived the day before everything shut down, so it should have been a paradise for me. I was already going to have some time off work so I had been psyching myself up to it.

And then I get here and my ability to perform fails.

I’ve made some progress editing the beginning of a novel (which I gave up on). I also started a novella that’ll I have done by the end of this week. I’ve been keeping track of what I’m doing and I feel terrible about all the days where I did nothing. All that lost potential. Why can’t I make writing and editing a 9 to 5? It’s almost like I have burnout again, but I’m not sure if I do. It doesn’t help that I’m having a lot of negative thoughts that have no relation to my life at present. They are taking up a lot of time in me. Maybe it’s because I can’t socialise in person anymore.

It’s not a good day unless I’ve written more than 1k and I hardly ever do that. It’s not a good day when I spend hours playing computer games, even if I do manage to write. That’s still time spent elsewhere. From memory, I used to be so efficient at writing. But now my body and brain says no 😦

So where do I go from here?

I’m slowly getting things done, but not to my liking. Do I just keep chipping away at it? Maybe I have to as I can’t seem to do anything else. Maybe having a day job was something that improved my writing. It gave me some eustress about my finite time and made me manage what I had. Now I have all the time in the world I have no immediate rush to do anything 😦

31 – 40 Days

Digital-artistic-Sketch-of-a-Dragon-1146713332_2092x1438My writing is slowing down mainly because I don’t know where I’m headed. I had a decent beginning and now the sagging middle has set in. I also don’t know where and how this story will end. I’m on the fourth chapter and 14 000 words in. I still planning on this being a novella but because I don’t really have a plan, I’m not sure. Once it hits forty thousand it becomes a novel, though I don’t think it will be that long.

I watched a video for people unsure about their stories to write out a synopsis to pin down what they want to happen. Maybe I should do that. It’ll clear up the white pages in my mind.

 

  1. Nothing.
  2. 1200 words.
  3. 1200 words.
  4. Nothing.
  5. 1500 words.
  6. Nothing.
  7. Nothing.
  8. 800 words.
  9. Nothing.
  10. Nothing.

2020 two book goal

I’ve decided what my two stories are for my 2020 goal are. It’s the witch story and Tune In (landing page TBA). I’ve already got my prequel Jumpstart almost completed and are now working on the next book in the series. I have no idea where about the story will end, but I think I will have a lot of fun with it.

I’ve given myself the goal of writing 500-1000 words a day on either story so I can at least finish it. I have no idea how long either is and I’m mostly winging it by planning a couple thousand words ahead each time.

New goal

My original plan of having self-published 10 stories by my 30th birthday will not come to fruition. I’m a little put out, but I’ve already got seven out and I’ve got more stories. So I’m planning to change my goal to publishing two stories by December 2020. I think that’s a manageable goal for me. I’m not too sure which stories I will publish, as I’ve got a bunch semi-completed. Maybe I should complete some novellas before starting the first draft of a full-length novel, but it’ll depend on where my energy lies.

What next?

New year but just another common post about 2019 goals. I’ll be turning 29 in three months and I sure as hell don’t feel that old. But with the dawn of a new year and a looming birthday, I ponder what my new goals are going to be. I think I’m almost over my burnout, but my energies are scattered and I haven’t been able to focus them at any one project. I have a few almost ready, semi-ready and tons of uncompleted stories that I can’t stop thinking about.

But I have some vague goals that I want to achieve in the near future. They are;

  • Have another story self-published by my birthday (March).
  • Have a total of three stories self-published by the end of the year.
  • Complete a total of five first drafts (I have many semi-completed first drafts).

On a side note, I’m planning on spending time in coffee shops while writing. In the past, I’ve only ever written at home because it was just my habit, that and I’m also quite cheap. Now I’m going to have to fork out a few pounds for some tea lol.

I haven’t created a hard deadline of when these goals need to be done, but I figured that I’ll wing it.